Not-So-Silent Protest

The Sounds of the Middle-Aged Body As I followed the physiotherapist’s instructions to bend my neck to the right, I heard the sound of bubble wrap popping inside my body. ‘Is that normal?’ I asked. ‘Our bodies make all kinds of protests as we get older,’ the man-child said, and asked me to bend the... Continue Reading →

My Body is a Wild Thing

You’ve heard of lady bumps, right? They appear in girls around the age of puberty and are generally welcomed, until you get used to them, when they become cumbersome and annoying. I’ve just returned from the Doctor’s where I discovered that, now I’m firmly into old lady puberty (the menopause) I’m getting old person bumps... Continue Reading →

A Modern Day Bottom Drawer

Whilst reading a novel set in the 1920’s, I came across the phrase her bottom drawer and I remembered my Grandma telling me about what a girl should collect for her bottom drawer in preparation for married life. Traditionally a woman would accumulate linen, clothing, cutlery etc. The bottom drawer was either a literal or... Continue Reading →

Has their Beauty Made me a Beast?

Is it ok to be jealous of my beautiful daughters? I am getting old. My daughters are not. Yes, I understand the whole cycle of life thing, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. The human body has built-in obsolescence and it pisses me right off. Whilst I am drying up and drooping,... Continue Reading →

In Praise of my Slippers

I’ve had every kind of slipper Sexy leopard print to black I’ve loved them all with passion ‘Cos my slippers have my back * Shoes can be disloyal They will rub and pinch and nip They make your gait uneven Like they mean for you to trip * You don’t get that with slippers They... Continue Reading →

Mother Knows Best…

I am very similar to my mum. I am also the polar opposite. The latter is understandable because we are not biologically related, but as an adoptee I revel in the things which connect us, like a love of drawing, literature and perhaps less impressively, clothes and lashings of makeup. Recently I’ve been writing about... Continue Reading →

I Hate my Husband for Being Thin

Should Menopausal Women’s Husbands be Allowed to be Slim? My husband is thin, I am not, and I hate him for it. We weren’t always like Jack Sprat and his portly wife; in our twenties we were both slim, then in the next decade we took turns at piling on the pounds. He drank and snacked... Continue Reading →

Refurbishing my face

Project: Fill the Cracks I’m approaching fifty, the age when, according to some, I become unlovable. As I apply my make-up, painting over my age-earned imperfections with concealer (think about that word), I realise my face has become a never-ending refurbishment project. I’m trying to make-good the cracks in the plasterwork which reveal the number... Continue Reading →

My Midlife Crisis Bra

Can It Stop Me From Becoming Invisible? I have bought a new bra. It‘s red and lacy, and I think it signals a crisis of confidence. The world tells me I’m at an age where I should be becoming invisible, and I think my dazzling new bra may be a cry for help. I’m no... Continue Reading →

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